Patrick "Bringing Shame to the Family Name" Duganz's "Jazz Hands!" Aristocrats Joke

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

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The Father says, "Great. This show has it all: patriotism, dance music, everything. Mom and Dad, you can come in now," and in stumble his parents looking old and frail and straight out of American Gothic.

The whole bunch lines up, Mom and Dad, Grandma and Grandpa, Brother and Sister, and Bugle the lovable family dog. It's very professional.

The first thing the dad does is chop of Bugle's head, and start to fuck the neck hole as the dog's leg kicks at some imaginery fleas. As this happens his daughter of 16 gets on her knees and starts jerking off her grandfather who keeps the beat by singing the dance club hit "Call on Me," but he can't get hard.

The Father finishes quickly with the dog and hits his wife in the face with the carcass sending cum and blood everywhere, which his wife begins licking off of the floor and herself as she massages her tits.

Grandma doesn't necessarily approve of her granddaughter's actions and removes her Aunt Bee-esque outfit to reveal and a bondage outfit complete with thong. It's a truly awful sight that seems to draw attention to the fact that she is a hairy-crotch kinda girl. Little gray curly-Qs line the edge of the thong with hardened bits of mucus.

The father gets another erection and begins fucking the son in the ass while the kid cries recites the Pledge of Allegiance. This of course offends his wife who retaliates by fisting Grandmother filling the room with the awful scent of an old crotch that hasn't been cleaned in since the bitch started collecting Social Security.

Finally Grandpa is harder than the clamp on a Jew's wallet and his granddaughter begins sucking him off, he of course is still singing.

Pissed off about the fisting of his mother the Father takes his son's head - did I mention the kid is only about three? - and starts jamming it in his wife's cunt. As her son's legs twitch and kick she has a thunderous orgasm. Her son gives a couple of kicks and then goes unconscious. Dad retrieves the son and of course resumes fucking him in his little ass. Did I mention they're all Catholic?

Grandpa can't take anymore of his granddaughter and blows cum all over her face and grandma's knees as he finshes singing Call on Me. Mom of course can't let cum just sit there and go to waste so her and the daughter start lapping it up while the old woman knits.

At this point Bugle starts jumping up and down which would seem like a mircale except we can see Grandpa has him on marionet strings.

The Father finishes with his son, who wakes up and says, "Are we there yet?"

Eveyone says, "Yes," shits all over him, and Bugle does a backflip.

In unison they scream, "Jazz Hands!" and do just that.

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"


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