PREVIOUS JOKE | RANDOM JOKE | NEXT JOKE

Van Dusen's "Almost tame" Aristocrats Joke

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

"Oh, thank you!" says the mother, and immediately starts laying out 4'x8' sheets of plastic. "We don't like to leave a mess behind, it's really unprofessional conduct." The father said as he started washing his hands. "Cleanliness really is the most important part of our job. I mean, if the audience were to leave with a bad impression of us, it would cost us."

"Ready?" Shouts the mother, "Let's go!"

And with that, the children are naked and jerking off their father, each taking turns sucking his cock, while the mother starts shitting a ring around the family about 5 feet in diameter, while the children still take turns on their father, and on each other. The mother lies down on the floor on her back, legs spread wide open, and after putting a piece of shit in a condom, she shitfucks herself. The son puts both of his legs right up her asshole, while she's still shitfucking herself, grabs onto her knees and starts this kind of kick-jumping/leg fisting thing, sinking in deeper each time until just the top of his head is sticking out of her asshole. Out comes the shitcock in a condom, and she throws it at the talent agent. He eats it. The daughter, meanwhile is fucking the dog up it's ass with a giant rosary and jesus's ENTIRE head is actually up the dog's ass, the father is fucking the mother while her son is completely up her asshole, and the daughter climbs into her father's asshole.

SO

The mom shits the son, the father shits the daughter, they all take turns vomiting on each other's genitals, then the father slices the dog's stomach open, they all eat the thing alive while it kicks and screams and bleeds until it dies and the father puts the carcass on like a hat.

Just when you think the whole thing is over, they burn American flags while raping three priests, two nuns and one baby, eat aborted fetuses, and stab a pregnant woman in the stomach with a 14" rusty screwdriver.

When they're done, they all take a bow, and start cleaning up. The father walks back up the agent and says, "What do you think?"

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

PREVIOUS JOKE | RANDOM JOKE | NEXT JOKE