Yuval Aloni (from Israel)'s "My (sick) take on the joke..." Aristocrats Joke

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

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(sorry for any grammar and/or spelling mistakes, I'm not native in english, but anyway...)

The dog rests silently in the corner of the room. The baby is laying down in a small wooden cradle.

The father takes out a lighter and lights one leg of the wooden cradle, which immediatly catches fire and flames starts climbing up the wooden leg towards the baby. Then, the father grabs the dog from the corner and puts it on a chair on it's back - legs up. He then takes out a knife and cuts off both of the dog's testacles. He puts the testacles in his mouth and starts chewing them.

The mother sticks a sharp wooden stick inside the father's eye, rips it out and starts sucking on the nerve ending of the removed eye-bulb.

The daughter kicks the father in his knee real hard.

The one-eyed father starts puking blood and the remains of the dog's testacles. He scoops the puke with his hands and starts feeding it to the baby. By now the flames are catching onto the baby and the baby starts burning-down alive while screaming horrible death-screams. The father takes out an old accordion and starts playing background polka music for the baby's crying.
The testacless dog starts chewing pieces of the forehead of the now well-done baby. The father pulls out his dick, shoves it inside the dog's ass and starts pumping in and out.

The daugther starts singing the national enthem of England in a really bad voice.

Then the mother says: "And now for a little surprise!". She opens the door to the office and in steps a little 9-years old blonde boy; He looks at the agent and shouts: "Daddy!", and then his throat gets immediatly slit by a butcher-knife held by the little daugther; blood gets sprayed all over some of the documents that are layd down on the agent's desk.

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"


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