L. Vittorio's "All in the Family" Aristocrats Joke
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
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The father says, "I know people think family acts are cute, but we believe that the sanctity of the family is under attack these days and it takes a lot to keep a family strong and united. That's why we developed this act, to entertain our audience, and also to let them know that families can work together."
"yeah, yeah," says the agent, "let's see the act."
"Well," begins the father, slapping his hands, "first, wait a sec, where's Ma? My mother's in the act, too. It's a little bit of everything. I'm so excited to show you!"
The father runs out into the hall and gingerly helps his mother, who's schlepping a huge case, into the agent's office.
"Tracy! Help your grandmother set up!"
The little girl, who, at 11, is not just adorable, but is right on the verge of adolescence, her little boobies barely registering through her Danskins. She quickly unzips her grandmother's case and out comes half a kitchen's worth of cooking items.
The agent starts fidgeting. "Listen, maybe this wasn't a good idea. This is beginning to look just a little bit complicated."
"No, no, relax, don't be silly," the father says reassuringly. "She's not gonna cook here, it's just to give you a feel for what we do."
All this time, the mother has been performing stretching exercises and the son has been practicing tricks with the dog.
The father claps his hand and everyone comes to attention.
"My wife and I believe that it's up to us to make sure our kids have the right values and that they know what's important in life - like relationships and family and friends and how to keep your relationships and family strong. What better way than to always make sure we sit down to dinner together every night? A nice, home cooked meal made especially by Gramma, like a nice hot bowl of chicken soup. So, picture this: on the stage is Ma, sitting in a makeshift kitchen, preparing her own chicken soup, which, by the way, is delicious - you can't find it better anywhere - with carrots and potatoes and celery and matzoh balls - Oh! my god! My mouth's watering just thinking about it! So, she's in the kitchen, getting ready to make her soup, and here comes her son and daughter-in-law, with a couple of bags of groceries containing all the ingredients she needs for this meal. We empty the contents of the bags onto the table, and before giving it to Ma for the soup, my wife and I begin sexually gratifying ourselves and each other with all the vegetables. I fuck the chicken, and after I cum, I throw it to Ma, who starts getting it ready for the pot of boiling water. You can see her look over that bird with a fine toothed comb, searching for any feather not already plucked (and a couple of my pubes I may have left behind). Meanwhile, my wife's going to town with the carrots, and her moaning arouses the curiousity of our kids, who wander onto the stage and see their parents going at it with the dinner items. Of course, they want to get involved, because, we're a family, and we do everything together. I don't want my kids learning about sex from some whacked out Sex Ed teacher whose idea of a healthy sex life means the missionary position and maybe, once in a blue moon, some dirty talk. No, no! They're gonna learn from their parents! So, after I'm through butt fucking my wife with the Idahos - and let me tell you, this is a much more delicate procedure than you'd think. You can't just ram that sucker in there 1, 2, 3. You gotta start slow, give her time to adjust, but then, by the time a quarter of the potato's in there, she's just SCREAMIN' for more! So, after I throw Ma the potatoes and she's all taken care of, I bring my son over to the dog and after playing with his dick and getting him hard, I give him the dog to fuck. Meanwhile, my wife's giving my daughter a quickie blowjob lesson using a celery stalk and then she's ready to satisfy her Daddy. It's nice, see? How often do you see kids this age spending so much time with their parents? Kids this age HATE being with their parents. They never want to do anything nice for them, but here's my daughter and DAMN if she doesn't give an unbelieveable blow job! Thank God she never needed braces. Meanwhile, my son's done with the dog (you can tell because the dog's not yelping anymore), and he's ready to go again, so once I've cum in my daughter's mouth, I signal for Johnny to come on over and fuck his sister. Naturally, we want this to be a pleasurable experience for both of them, so me and the missus, we're coaching them along, you know, slow it down son, or, hon, tighten up those vaginal muscles. You know, a few times in rehearsals, they came at the same time. How's that for professionalism? Well, naturally, watching our kids fuck has really aroused me and the missus, so I take her from behind and start RAMMING into her like there's no tomorrow. Before you know it, Ma's yelling that dinner's ready, so we finish up and sit down to eat this fantastic meal and when we're done, just to show Ma how appreciative we are of all the hard work she's put in to making us this dinner, we all take a shit on the stage and then, have a little shit-fight, just for laughs, you know? we throw our shit at each other and start rubbing each other with it, until we're totally covered, and slipping all over the stage, and it's just so funny we can't stop laughing, and that's the act!"
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"