zbub's "God and the Donkey" Aristocrats Joke
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
liked this joke
|Rate This Joke|
So the agent schedules to view the act later that same night. The agent arrives at 7:00 pm sharp and is mildly surprised at the size of the club. A full stage is curtained and he is the only audience. The right curtain pulls back and the father walks out lit with a spotlight. The father is wearing a blue silk armani suit that is simply dazzling under the light. The father is 6 feet tall, short blond hair and blue eyes with a swimmers build and in his late thirties. The agent thinks that yeah, he's hansome enough. Then mom walks out under the spotlight and she's simply knockdead gorgeous. Mom is wearing a red evening gown that accentuates her magnificent cleavage and shows her beautifully toned legs. Mom is early thirties with long black hair and green eyes. She stands all of 5 1/2 feet tall and probably goes a 120bls. The son and daughter arrive on stage and are elegantly attired in the same clothing that mom and dad are wearing. Both of the children position themselves next to mom. The agent silently comments to himself that the girl must be 16 and the boy 14. Both strongly resemble the same sex parent. The four start the show with a small bow and immediately burst into song with the national anthem. The agent stands and holds his hand over his heart. At the conclusion of the anthem, dad runs the short distance to the three and violently slaps each one in the face. The three immediately begin undressing dad. Dad it turns out is well endowed, the agent figures 8 inches at least. Mom and the kids drop down and begin sucking dad with gusto almost as if they're fighting to see who can suck him the best. While the sucking alternates between the three, dad starts back up with the random slapping. This goes on for two solid minutes. While the son is taking a turn gobbling his dads cock, the mom and daughter undress each other. Their bodies could be in playboy. The daughter has mom bend over and starts fisting her hard in the ass. Mom starts moaning loud and the whole time the daughter is screaming at her,"You fucking whore!". Dad has junior stop to lay on the floor. Dad squats over his sons face and begins shitting a solid stream into his open mouth. The son is gulping it down as fast as he can. The explosive diarrhea splatters all over the sons head and chest and is making a nice slick on the stage. Dad gives a whistle and the dog arrives on stage and begins lapping up the shit as if he hadn't eaten for a week. As soon as dad finishes shitting, mom duck walks over to dad and starts licking his ass clean while daughter continues fisting her ass. Son squirms over a couple of feet and undresses. Once undressed, he lubes his cock with dads shit and mounts his sister. Son starts hammering his sister in the ass with wild abandon, the sister is fisting mom, mom is licking dads ass clean, dad breaks out in song with "glory thee to God", and the dog has started puking into the shit slick. Once dad finishes singing, the son and daughter stop and walk off stage behind the left curtain. The curtain rolls back and there suspended about three feet off of the ground in a harness is a donkey. The daughter crouches and starts sucking the donkeys dick, meanwhile the son starts fisting the donkey in the ass. Mom and dad stop and mom picks up the dog. They walk over to the son and daughter where dad produces a large butcher knife from a small table next to the suspended donkey. While mom holds the dog, dad savagely stabs it in the stomach and begins pulling out the entrails and internal organs, the dog goes crazy with agony but dies quickly in moms arms. Once the dog is gutted, mom begins licking the inside of the corpse. Dad starts gulping down the insides and grabs two handfuls for the kids. He shovels one handful into sons mouth and smears the other over his daughters ass. Dad then grabs an axe handle from the table and begins beating the donkey. The donkeys bones can be heard snapping under the blows. The donkey is freaking out but is helpless in the harness. Mom finishes licking the dogs corpse clean and takes the discarded butcher knife and begins violently stabbing the donkey. The donkey manages to orgasm and cums in the daughers mouth and all over her face and tits. The daughter spits the cum into her brothers mouth and he swallows it down. The daughter then walks to the table and fires up a chain saw. The daughter then starts sawing off the donkeys legs. The son stops fisting the donkey and walks over to dad and vomits in his mouth. Dad swallows it down and starts in on the donkey again with the axe handle. The son takes the chainsaw from the daughter after she finishes sawing off the legs. The daughter is coated in the fresh donkey blood and starts sucking dads dick while he beats the donkey. Mom stops stabbing the donkey and starts sucking her son off while he uses the chainsaw to cut the donkey in half. The donkeys insides spill over the stage at which point all four dive in and start wolfing down the organs and entrails. All four stand up covered in shit, piss, puke, blood, cum, and grit. They stand abreast of the stage and sing the pledge of allegiance and take a bow.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"