PleaseDontEatMe's "The Acrobatic Shitcovered Pissfountain Routine" Aristocrats Joke
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
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Immediately the son runs up the the daughter, grabs her by the pantlegs and starts shaking her in the air, bashing her head against the floor to the rythm of Jingle Bells. With every strike blood is being tossed up and coming back down, showering the father and mother, who rip off their undergarments and begin clapping their asscheeks together wailing "Singin' In the Rain," as the dog entertains with a tapdance number, which resonates quite well on the now hollow, pulp-adorned skull of the daughter. The son gives a final shake and the limp, cold, brain-splattered body of the girl slides out of her pants.
The son tosses the pants to the father, who ties off the pantlegs, squats, and begins filling them up with his shit, making noise like an accelerating motorcycle. The mother lifts the dog over her head, shows it off the crowd, and with one swift, orderly movement places it above her and slides her head into its ass, which is quite easily considering it's slick with blood and brains. The son, grabbing the lifeless daughter by the legs, pulls her hips wide like he's shucking corn and in a similar fashion, crams his cranium up her anus.
Taking a bite from the inside of the squealing dog, the mother chews her way through it's belly so her face is sticking out, while it writhes above her, puking blood in it's final throes of death. Then, in an intense combination of ballet and jazz, shows off the mammalian headpiece like a new hairstyle, at which time she slips in the pool of blood and falls on her ass, then gets on her hands and knees while the father, weilding the shitfilled pants, strikes her in her sagging, bruised ass. The pants explode at the seams and the entire stage is covered with the father's liquid shit, since he's eaten nothing but mangos the last twelve days. The son, meanwhile, is doing an improvised dance with his sister's lifeless body above, spitted on his head, both sets of their arms flailing like some maniacal Shiva.
Both the father and the son-daughter fusion each grab one of the mother's legs and hoist her into the air, her legs going to a hyper split so the whole thing looks like some kind of glorious Shinto shrine. The father begins pissing into his free hand, and tossing the cupfuls of urine up to the mother, the dog still flailing on her head, who catches it in her mouth and spits it off the stage, as their bodies all work in unison to create this beautiful, shitcovered pissfountain.
Suddenly they all jump and land on the ground, the mother tosses the doggie corpse off the stage, the son tosses the daughter's corpse to the father who pulls a chainsaw out of his ass and chops it in half, spinning both pieces above his head and then throwing them off the stage. Finally, the two males on either side jerk themselves off and cum on the mother, who lets out a fart so tremendous it propels her off the stage, covered in piss, shit, cum and blood. The mother doesn't move after that, but the father and son bow.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"