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Da Presidant's "The All-American Shitfezt" Aristocrats Joke

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

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They leave the baby all alone on stage in his crib. At which point he begins crying incessantly and throwing a temper tantrum.





The dad walks in stage wearing a brown pinstriped starched suit and hat and carrying a brief case resembling a door-to-door salesman.





Junior removes his diaper and starts throwing shitballs all over the stage splattering everywhere while dad dodges and tries to calm the baby down.





After a while, junior takes out this tiny shitball that's all covered in hair. He lits in fire and throws it. The flaming turdball splatters on the left side lapel of the dad who at this point gets mad.





The father grabs the baby and yanks its cock right out causing the infant's crotch to spray blood like a hydrant that's been opened on a hot summer day. Then he squeezes the balls and shoves them into the whole where a tiny cock used to hang creating a pussy-like whole in the kid, hence a home remedy for a sex change operation.





The father pulls out his cock and starts to madly fuck the man made pussy while slapping the crying creature around and yelling "whose your daddy bitch! whose your daddy!"





The father pulls out his cock and cums all over the baby and when I mean he cums, I truly mean it. This man puts Peter North to shame as his stream of cum flows out like a stream of piss.





The man then grabs the gooey, raped, and transgendered baby and pulls its eyes out and then slams the body on the floor crushing it instantly leaving a pink puddle (yes that's right, red+white makes what color genius?)





The father then opens his case and pulls out ten milk bottles filled with urine and places them under the blood and cum puddle. He then grabs the baby's face like a bowling ball (hence the reason why he removed the eyes) and throws it against the bottles breaking each and everyone of them.





At this point the dad pulls out something from the briefcase and hides underneath a table.





The son, 21 yrs old who just returned from a tour of duty in Iraq, arrives on stage dressed in uniform with all his medals and decorations. Behind him arrives his five year old sister completely naked except for a strap-on.





The sister starts crying at the sight of her baby brother while suddenly, the dad pops from right under the table dressed like an Arab complete with a turban, foot-long beard, Bedouin robe, and a copy of the Koran.





The son suddenly goes crazy and brutally beats the father then disrobes him while yelling "this war is not unjust!"





The son then takes a shit on his father's mouth and then proceeds to rip pages from the Koran and wipe his ass.





The son then grabs a pocket knife, cuts out one of the dad's testicles and stomps it right in front of his eyes while holding a bible and yelling at him "Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior?"





After screaming yes out of agony, the son then grabs the pocket knife and says "good, but we're not done yet, now we're doing it to your other one."





And so he repeats the same process. At this point, the sister begins fucking the castrated dad with her strap on while the son grabs the remaining of the Muslim holy book and the bible and dumps both on the blood, cum, and urine puddle. He then sets it on fire and starts running around the flames while passionately letting out Satanic chants.





Well at this point, the mother comes out dressed as Wonder Woman along with the dog. The dog runs over to where the daughter's fucking the dad on the ass with the strap-on and starts face fucking the father whose mouth is wide open from both agonies (castration and sodomy).





The son then comes out dressed as a pimp in a neon green suit, feather hat, and a cane of course. He then beats "Wonder Woman" with the pimp cane. "Bitch, lemme show you what this country is all about."





So he begins pimping her. At this point, the daughter (whose done fucking the father) pays the son some money and she starts fucking the mother in doggy style while the father fists her.





Turned on by this the son aids the daughter in the fucking thus performing double penetration while the dog stars pissing on the gang-banging family.





When it's all set and done, they are all covered in blood (from the father), cum, pussy juice, and dog piss.





They then pull out this giant American flag (the last prop on the father's brief case). They all proudly hold it and start singing "America the Beautiful" to the tune of Snoop Dogg's feat. Pharrell "Beautiful".





They all take a bow and go "ta-da!"

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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