Chewie of the Council's "Aristocrats, Council- style" Aristocrats Joke

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

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So the father lights into a chorus of "America the Beautiful", while the son executes the daughter and the dog, gangland-style. After the first verse the mother reaches into the father's pants and pulls out his giant dick. The father's dick is huge beyond description. If you were traveling with that dick, the tip would be in the bar, making friends, before the balls crossed the county line. Anyhow, the mother fits this huge cock in her mouth, dislocating her jaw in the process, and begins to deepthroat the father, while the son drops his pants. He pulls out his tiny, stack-of-dimes dick, (maybe he'll one day be as big as his dad, fingers crossed) and begins to fuck his mother in the ass. At the final note of the song, the dad explodes with come, so much it begins to shoot out the mother's nose. The son pushes her forward onto his dad's cock, and because the cock fills her mouth and come fills her nose, she suffocates and dies. The father removes his dick and pulls out a pair of pliers. He begins pulling the mom's, excuse me, dead mom's teeth out of her head, and begins to skull fuck the toothless bitch, working the jaw back and forth. The son finishes his fuck in the mom's, excuse me, dead mom's ass, and pulls out his pocketknife. He flips his dead mom over and performs a C-section, reaching into her snatch and finding a fetus. He pulls out the fetus, and notices it feels like scrambled eggs, cause, well, it kind of is. He bites the unformed head off the fetus, and makes a disgusted face. He then runs out to the car. Meanwhile, the dad has shoved his huge cock down his dead wife's throat until he can feel it from the outside, and then pumps the throat around his cock, using it as a masturbation sleeve. The son runs back in with a George Foreman grill, heats it up, and prepares a marinade for his dead fetus sibling. He cooks it on high for 10 minutes, until golden brown, and adds fajita seasoning. As he enjoys a delicious snack, the father shoots another quart of come down the dead bitch's throat. The son tosses him the pocketknife (closed, for safety, of course) and puts the remains of the fetus on a spike that was conveniently placed in the corner, as the father begins to cut the dead mom's face off and the son fucks his dead sister in the exit wound he made with the pistol minutes before. As the son feels his balls tighten up, he turns to the father, now wearing his dead wife's face as a funny mask, and shoots his come across his dead mom's face. They strike poses and proclaim "Taa Daa."

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"


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