12345RET's "A Story of Jared" Aristocrats Joke

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

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The father pushes play on a boombox, and “Jump In The Line” by Cherry Poppin' Daddies starts to play. The family starts to undress, and it becomes obvious that the twin daughters are quite anorexic. The son Jared removes a bag of blow he muled in from Cuba. The uncle, who is late due to his being a quadriplegic, rolls in wearing a Superman costume. The son Jared cuts up rails, and the twin daughters start sniffing.

The son Jared and the father start double analling the mother, as she squats herself on the uncle’s face. The father signals to the son Jared that he is about to cum, and the son hands the father a belt. The father starts strangling himself with it like he’s Michael Hutchence. The father pulls out and cums into a glass. He offers the glass to the mother, and she goes to swallow it down. Before she can though, he calls her a slut and smashes the glass over her head.

Then he goes to the twins and puts a foot into each cunt and starts running a lap around the room, wearing the daughters like slippers. The father sees the son is about to cum, so he kicks off the daughters, grabs a baseball bat that has been crudely whittled to resemble Heather Mills’ prosthetic leg, runs up to the son and swings for the fences. He catches the son in the stomach, who doubles over in pan but still manages to pop in the mother’s eye as the father holds her eyelids open.

Then the father, son Jared and mother grab the uncle’s wheelchair and push him into a wall. He is flung out of the wheelchair, and the daughters and the mother surround him and female ejaculate on him while he lays there, defenseless and crying. The father teabags him, and the son rapes him in the mouth with a dildo mounted to a power drill. Then Jared anally fucks everyone including himself. Then the father, son Jared, mother and daughters stick potatoes in their asses and make julienne French fries. Finally, the family stands up and takes a bow.

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"


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