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Hollowbrain's "The Aristocrats: A Musical Journey" Aristocrats Joke

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, and a daughter. The Mother has an immaculately quiet newborn child in one of those baby slings. The family enters the office and the father is holding on to a leash of sorts that leads outside of the doorway to the office. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The father yanks on the leash and a gimp comes sauntering in a black S&M outfit, leather mask and all, carrying a big boom box in one hand and a large silver case in the other.

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The gimp shuffles over to the other side of the office, takes the infant from the mother, plugs in the boom box, and opens up the case, its takes out one CD, inserts it into the boom box, and on comes “Green Peppers” by Herp Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. As soon as the music starts all the family save for their father goes on their knees. The father takes off all of his clothes and is fully erect. He proceeds to cocksmack each family member, each with a smile on their face. This warm up continues until the next song the gimp plays which is “A Hard Rains A-Gonna Fall” by Bob Dylan, at which point the cocksmacking ceases and the rest of the family strip The son is bent over sucking on the nipples of his sister and out of nowhere his father rails right into him causing the son to bite one of his sisters nipples off spits it at the, you know for a souvenir and blood starts to squirt. While this is all going, he mother is going at it by herself right in front of agent’s desk with a letter opener that was on his desk, and she’s getting messy on her own, occasional squirts of blood hit the agents unimpressed stare. Meanwhile the father is reaming his son so hard that its actually building up pressure inside the son, who is now sucking one of his sisters nipples and licking the open wound where her other nipple was. The son lets out a horrible fart followed by a long burst of diarrhea onto his fathers abdomen, but after the shit stream his son’s internal organs start pouring out his ass until the son is hunched over with no chest, and a wad of wet organs on the floor coming out if his smelly cheerio. Music changes to the Beatles “Something”; the father slides on the floor to his wife whose pussy looks like a bloody mess. They share an intimate gaze and then the father bends over in front of his wife and proceeds of shit on her face. She’s rubbing it all over her face. Offering some to the agent who quietly declines. The daughter is now sucking the son off while at the same time shoving is internal organs back through his prolapsed asshole. The gimp is sitting down feeding the baby a bottle. The father and mother switch places, and now the mother is pissing and dripping cunt blood on the father, who is singling along with George Harrison “something in the way she moves”. The Gimp puts the baby down and switches CDs. The next track that comes on if Bad Company’s “Feel Like Makin’Love”, and this is when the show gets really good the father and his one nippled daughter start going at it, slow at first to go along ith the music, but they get quite vicious during the songs chorus. The mother takes the baby from the Gimp and sticks the baby’s head up the outstretched asshole of her song. She then gets under the child and starts sucking on the infants tiny cock, while her son jerks of while watching his father and sister screwing. Next song: “Let The Good Times Roll” by The Cars. The Gimp walks into the middle of the action and takes off the outfit to reveal: Grandma, who has no jaw, and a horrifying set of extremely saggy breasts. She gets on her knees and relieves her grandson of what he was doing by using drool that is just falling off of her tongue. The babies head slowly oozes out of his older brother’s asshole and hits the ground with a thud muffled by the music. Grandma picks up the baby and starts licking the shit, and blood of the child’s face, and the older son’s organs fall out completely leaving a pile of organs and a pile of skin and bones. The final song comes on, Cinderella’s “Don’t Know What You’ve Got (Till It’s Gone)”. The mother starts taking her sons bones and uses them to build a cross which she then crucifies her own baby with. Grandma goes into her silver case and pulls out a pair of small bolt cutters. The father snaps his daughter’s neck and continues fucking his daughter in the ass. He stops and drags his daughter to the center of the room where the grandmother holds the daughters body upside down. The mother sticks the crucified baby in the daughters cunt, and the baby is crying. The father takes the bolt cutters and starts cutting off the fingers on the right hand of the baby, each one pops off and the mother catches each one in her mouth. She then spits them at the agent. The father moves on to the left hands, fingers fly and mom catches them and spits them out. Grandma drops the daughter and Mother, Father and Grandma all take a bow at the end of the song.

The agent stares straight at them, blinking and wiping the blood off of his face. He picks up a thumb. “That was something alright. What do you call yourselves?”

The Father steps forward takes one of the fingers off the desk and eats it like a french fry. He smiles and says “The Aristocrats!”

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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