Alex's "Happy birthday, Jesus!" Aristocrats Joke
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
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The father leads the family to a very out-of-tune version of "O Christmas Tree". The daughter brings out oranges and starts juggling them while the son brings out and rides his bycicle upside-down so his hands are peddling. The wife has tourettes' syndrome so every time the line "Christmas tree" would come up, she would scream "fuck".
It ends up arousing the father so much that by the click of his fingers, it commands the family to strip naked. To shut his wife up he crams his jerky into her mouth and tells her to talk dirty. The sheer excitement of this act causes the mother to fly into a frenzy of compulsive swearing with her husband's dick still in her mouth.
The father face fucks his wife's mouth so violently that she starts vomiting all over his dick. He rubs the vomit onto this dick, and crams his staff into the woman's asshole.
The daughter stops juggling the oranges and begins cramming each orange into her virgin cunt while the son jerks off and peddles with one hand.
The father yanks his dick out of his wife and lies down under her ass as a steaming stream of shit makes contact with his face. He says "Mmm, chocolate milk!" and shit pours into his mouth. He gargles it and french kisses the mother, sharing the waste with her.
When the shit-fountain stops, the father who is very athletic, jumps and does a back-flip, inserting his penis into his son's anus. While the father reams his son's virgin ass, the mother lubes up her hand with shit and her husband's vomit and starts fingering the daughter with the oranges still inside.
The daughter reaches climax and each of the oranges are squeezed out of her pussy. The father and son get off the bike and fisting the daughter's cunt and asshole until she stats to bleed. The son shoves his dick into his sister's loose asshole while the husband rams his fists up both his offspring and the mother licks her son's nutsack.
They keep cluster-fucking until Jesus walks in on them. The family stop violating each other and rip Jesus' robe off. The daughter sucks Jesus's dick and the son sucks his balls while the compulsively-swearing mother shoves her forearm into Jesus's ass and the father forces his dick into our saviour's mouth. Jesus then shits all over the mother's hand, cums into the children's eyes, and is forced to swallow the father's load.
Jesus passes out and the family masturbates on his face and spew their ejaculatory fluids on the Son of our Lord. The father then says "Happy birthday, Jesus!" and it closes with the family shiting on Jesus.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"