Skip McPerv's "The Aristocrats Meet The Catholic Church" Aristocrats Joke
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
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The father then takes out a videotape from his briefcase and puts it into the VCR underneath the TV, on the book shelf.
The opening theme starts with a catchy jingle and shows each member of the family smiling, one by one. It then shows the title “Try To Keep Up With The Jones’s.”
It then cuts to the first scene, where it shows the whole family entering a Catholic Church. They walk in and the church service is in full swing. They make their way down the aisle and onto the front stage.
When on the stage the son and mother begin to kiss passionately, as the father punches his daughter in the face repeatedly. The dog squats down and starts shitting and pissing all over the stage.
The priest after seeing this becomes very despondent and makes his way over to the family. Everyone stops dead in their tracks and attack the priest. The priest is tackled by the father and then held down to the ground by the father and the son. The woman opens her purse and takes out a giant knife. She then goes over to the priest who is still held to the ground, and pulls down his pants. She begins to gently touch his small, under utilized penis. Quickly the priest becomes as hard as the wooden cross Jesus is hanging on right behind him. Then the daughter, at a ripe old age of 7 pushes the mother out of the way and begins to intensely suck his penis. Within seconds he blows his load all over the small girls face. The dog promptly runs over to the daughter and licks all of the man go over the small girls face.
Once the girl is cleaned the mom steps in with the large knife in hand and in one sweep, cuts the penis right off. With the penis in hand she walks over to the son, and instructs him to pull down his pants and to bend over. She rams the severed penis in his ass, and fucks him so violently his ass looks like a plump cherry tomato.
While this is going on, the father gets a massive hard on. He grabs his young daughter and rips off her clothes, and sticks it in her snatch. Since, this is the young daughters first time out, her pussy beings to bleed like the dickens. The father keeps fucking her, harder and harder to the point that it looks like her small, petite body is going to break in half.
The priest barely able to see straight somehow sees all this happening, and somehow manages to stand. Bleeding profusely from his genitals, he walks over to the dog, pushes him down on the ground so his stomach is showing, and sits on his dick. The dog begins to howl, with pure ecstasy as he fucks the priest in the ass.
Finally the dad cums inside of the girl, and she shoots up like a rocket and hits the ceiling of the church and falls back to the ground. The son cums from the reach around the mom is giving him while he is getting butt fucked by the priest’s severed penis. He shots his ejaculate so far he hits the organist, that is seated in the balcony in the far right hand corner of the church. The dog cums right in the mouth of the priest, and as he cums the priest falls to the ground and dies from loss of blood.
The tape ends, and the father, son and daughter look at the agent. The mom is on her knees naked taking a shot in the face.
The father screams “Agent you better have enough for all of us.” The father runs over to the agent and starts to suck him off. Once the agent cums again, the son and daughter both take turns sucking the agent off.
After he is finally done he sits down.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"