Neewwman's "Special Barbecue" Aristocrats Joke
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
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The father says: “For your entertainment and enjoyment, it is barbecue night!
The daughter strips naked. She’s a very pretty, tall twelve year old with really long legs and a cute little ass. And really firm little breasts. Her nipples stay pink and stiff during the whole performance.
The mother washes the daughter and shaves off the few pubic hairs she has. Her parents have her stand in a big tub full of warm water and scrub her with Dove soap and soft sponges. They get her all slippery with soap and rub her all over... especially her breasts and pussy and between her tight little ass cheeks. After she is rinsed off, her skin is all rosy and glowing. Then her parents give her a couple of valium tablets and a few glasses of wine to help relax her.
The wine and valium just make her feel even better, so she doesn’t even mind when her brother gives her a big injection of morphine and Demerol and lasix in her butt.
The father explains: “We give the morphine and demerol, which are really strong painkillers, so the girl doesn't have very much pain while she's being roasted. Actually, she can feel everything that's happening but her brain won’t interpret the sensations as pain, just something "strange" and different. We give the lasix, a powerful diuretic, to make the girl produces a lot of very clear urine before she's cooked.”
The family lays the girl on a big kitchen table while her mom keeps rubbing and stroking the daughter’s cute little pussy and tits. The daughter keeps humping her hips up to meet the fingers being put inside of her. Then her brother starts the "internal" cleaning. He gives his sister three big enemas with nice warm water until all her intestines are cleaned out. Then he gives his sister a special wine enema, using three bottles of California Chardonnay.
The wine enema, together with the Demerol and morphine, makes the girl really drunk. The cute blonde is almost completely limp and by this time is completely unable to feel any pain or discomfort. As the girl starts to produce lots of piss her little bladder really fills up, and her dad puts a tube into her to drain her pee. Her dad announcs: “The wine in her intestines will be absorbed into her body very quickly, which will make her meat taste especially good. Kind of like an internal marinade!”
The father opens a big travel bag and reveals a selection of roasting spits. The daughter can hardly stand up when she is led over to the spits, but as soon as she sees them, her eyes get big and she looks around before going over to the thickest one and touching it. She picks out the thickest one, almost two inches thick. She rubs it up and down, like it is a giant penis, which in a way it is since it is going to give her the last "fucking" she is ever going to get.
The spit is made from iron pipe with a sharp point that slides up the inside. The family takes her over to the “spitting” table. The spitting table is just a regular plank picnic table with a big hole in the middle of the type that usually holds up a big umbrella. The table is placed right over a big pipe. The spit gets put into the pipe and about three feet of the spit sticks up through the center of the table.
The family all help the girl up on the tabletop and then start to grease up her little cunt with melted butter. She really likes that part and squats down on her family’s fingers as they spread butter up inside her... all the while she is moaning and trying to come... one last time.
After she is all greased up, the family helps her to the middle of the table, right in front of the sharpened spike sticking up. The tip of the spike is about even with the girl’s little bellybutton and she starts feeling the point and rubs some butter on the top part of the shaft. Then the girl steps back and the father brings a little step stool up to the spike. The girl gets up on the stool and the tip of the spike is right at the level of her pretty cunt slit. She wiggles around a little and spreads the lips of her cute little cunt with her fingers. The girl looks around the room, then she spreads her plump, hairless little pussy lips real wide and forced herself down on the pointed spike. She gasps as the spike slides up inside her, but then she squats down and starts humping up and down on the spit. After she does this for a while, she tiptoes down the step stool one step and the slowly lets herself down farther down on the spit. The spit really stretches her little cunt open as she forces it up inside of her. She fucks the spike up inside of her for a couple of minutes and then she tiptoes down one more step.
She stays up on her tippy toes for a little while and looks all around again. The twelve year old blond girl has a kind of dreamy look on her face as she slowly lowers herself down onto the thick iron spit. Her expression changes just a little before she very suddenly forces her cunt down. She squeaks like a little wounded rabbit. Blood starts leaking out of her pussy, dripping down the spit. Her mother comes up behind her and pulls the stool out from under her feet and the girl gasps a little as the sharp spike forces its way up inside her flat little tummy. Her long legs stretch toward the tabletop as she tries to touch her toes to the table. Her firm little tits thrust out as she takes really deep breaths.
When her toes finally touch the tabletop she doesn’t even try to support her weight. She just keeps letting her body slide down into the spit as it shoves up inside her guts. Finally, when her little feet are flat on the table, she bends her knees and squats down, letting the sharp point of the spit go even deeper into her. The outline of the thick, iron pipe is visible inside her belly, and the tip is now almost two inches above her cute bellybutton.
The daughter smiles and starts fucking herself up and down on the spike. Her blood paints the inside of her thighs and dribbles down her coltishly long legs.
Eventually, she reaches the place where she feels the point of the spit just underneath her stomach. She turns to her mom and whispers something. The mom gives her daughter another whole bottle of wine and holds it to the girl's lips. The girl gulps down almost half the bottle and then suddenly forces herself farther down the spit very hard.
The spit has some holes drilled in the sides of it and wine, mixed with a little of the girl’s blood, starts to run out of these holes. After that the mom helps the daughter get the rest of the spit up through her. The thick spike stretches the girl’s throat before she opens her mouth and the sharp point sticks out between the twelve year old girl's pretty lips. Her whole body shakes for a few seconds and then she seems to regain her composure. The little girl puts her delicate hands behind her back for her brother to tie.
The family goes out into the hall and drags in a portable barbeque pit, complete with white-hot coals. They lift the girl spike and all up and off the table and carry her over to the pit. They place her over the coals, then insert a thick piece of pipe fifteen inches up her asshole. The girl wiggles her cute little butt as the metal cylinder is shoved up her ass. The family then attaches the asshole pipe to the spit with a metal brace They then tie the girl’s feet to the spit making sure her knees are kept slightly bent and her thighs spread a bit so her "special" parts will be evenly exposed to the heat of the burning coals. The family explores the little girl's beautiful body with their hands one last time.
While the beautiful twelve year old cooks, her mother comes over to brush barbecue sauce over her daughter. The girl keeps wiggling on the spit from time to time. After about 45 minutes over the hot oak coals, the girl’s skin begins to turn a golden brown color. The young girl’s bodily juices begin to leak from her skin and slowly drip into the fire, hissing and popping as they fall into the coals. Thick, syrupy juices begin to leak from her cunt and dribble down her thighs, and at her delicious smell the rest of the family starts to drool in anticipation. Finally, the mom announces that the girl is roasted to perfection and ready to be carved.
The family lifts the spit off the barbecue and back onto the table. Her mom holds her head as her brother slowly withdraws the spit from the girl’s wonderful body. When the spit disappears back down her throat, the roasted twelve year old tries to say something to her mom but no sounds come out. The brother pulls the thick iron spit all the way out of her and her succulent cunt continues to leak the thick golden syrup.
The family holds out plates while the dad begins carving. Her dad whispers to her that he is going to begin butchering her and that she can watch as her family eats her delicious meat. The girl smiles weakly. The dad takes a specially sharpened 6 inch fillet knife and gently carves off his daughter’s right breast. Then he cuts a small tender piece of meat from the twelve year old's hip and then another slab of steaming meat from her outer thigh. Her brother drools onto his plate as he looks at the tender flesh of his sister’s tit. Next, very carefully, the father begins to cut open the girl’s muscular little tummy. He starts on a line about an inch above the top of each hipbone and slowly cuts straight across. When he reached the opposite hip, he angles the fillet knife down toward her delicately roasted little pussy. The sharp knife slices through the child's flesh easily. When the tip of the knife reaches that little juncture of the inside of the thigh and the first, sweet swelling of the pussy, her father steadies the knife and, using only the delicate point, carves alongside the outer lips of his daughter’s plump, hairless cunt to a point midway between the bottom of the cunt and her drooling asshole.
Every so often, as her dad carves her up the daughter wiggles a little. Once she moans softly while her mother whispers to her. The mom gently strokes the girl’s hair and face as she chews a mouthful of her firm, juicy breast.
Eventually the knife slices up around the other side of the girl’s cunt and up to meet the incision where it started at her right hip. The father gently lifts the large fillet of twelve year old girl from the area of her tummy and places it on a cutting board. Now the girl’s steaming intestines and other delicate organ meats are exposed. Her little pissed-filled bladder bulges up awaiting the knife. After carefully tying off the urethra and both ureters her dad gently cuts it away and places it on a waiting platter.
Next her father removes her little uterus and ovaries. And finally, reaching deep into the still breathing and softly moaning twelve year old girl's body cavity he starts to detach her rectum from its internal fastenings. The mom holds her daughter’s roasted little butt cheeks open as the dad uses the tip of the sharp little fillet knife to complete the task of severing the girl's meaty rectum and attached anus, which they then stuff with wild rice, baby onions, garlic, button mushrooms and ripe olives.
The girl’s little heart continues to beat as her father carefully removes her other breast, still firm but now cooked to a pinkish, golden color. The girl attempts to smile as her mom whispers that it will all soon be over. The dad cuts away the little girl’s liver.
Lovingly the mom exposes her daughter’s neck and delicate throat, brushing aside loose strands of the lovely adolescent's blond tresses. The dad approaches with a heavy cleaver. The little girl looks directly at her father. She knows what is coming and in fact seems to welcome it as he places the sharp edge of the cleaver across her throat. He pushes down hard and then lifts her severed head aloft for all to see.
The father carves off a few more small pieces of the dead twelve year old girl and tosses them to the dog, who gobbles them up. The three surviving family members then turn to the agent and take a bow.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"